10/7/2016

Its like 3:30 in the morning. . . . 

not entirely sure why I am blogging right now...

Kinda stoned...

I should have put something down inside this,

about how I started to take this stuff called "straterra"

anti-adhd meds.

cause mine be pretty fuckin bad, yo.

But anyway, they really help for the most part,

and stuff that I say seems to make more sense.

There are strange side effects however,

that I have been experiencing,

that are rather disconcerting.

I sweat alot.

It really sucks.

Nora is staying at my house

 and that is cool and everything.

I usually just sit here and talk to her all 

night and we just hang out.

Hopefully she got that job at Stop and Shop...

July 29th, 1:38 AM

SO WHATS UP?

TONIGHT IM JUST BORED AS SHIT.

I HAVE NO LIFE,

I CANT GET ANY GIRLS TO TALK TO ME ON THIS STUPID DATING SITE.

ITS CALLED POF.

I THINK IM POSSIBLY GOING TO BE ALONE FOREVER,

AH HELL, WHATS THE FUCKING POINT ANYWAY.

IM 31 AND STILL HAVENT HAD ANY KIND OF REAL RELATIONSHIP.

IM STILL SCARED TO REALLY TALK TO ANY HOT GIRLS.

AND I DONT HAVE ANYTHING TO REALLY SHOW FOR MYSELF.

IVE BEEN TRAPPED IN THIS CRAPPY WORLD OF BULLSHIT FOR YEARS.

AND I CANT REALLY GET OUT OF IT FOR SOME REASON.

THATS THE DEPRESSED PART OF ME TALKING.

OF COURSE I CAN GET OUT OF IT.

I ALWAYS AVOID GETTING COMPLETELY SCREWED SOMEHOW.

EVERYTHING WILL BE OK.

THATS THE NOT DEPRESSED SIDE OF ME.

IM VERY INDECISIVE .

I NEED TO LEAVE THIS HOUSE MORE.

IVE BEEN SITTING HERE FOR DAYS PLAYING THIS GAME CALLED STARBOUND

ITS A SAND BOX 2-D MINECRAFT TYPE GAME WHERE U CRAFT SHIT AND BUILD STUFF AND FIGHT BOSSES TO MOVE TO A NEW LOCATION WHERE U DO THE SAME THING OVER AGAIN.

I WONDER WHEN STUFF WILL GET BETTER.

IM STILL NOT SURE IF I MANAGED TO GET A JOB AT STOP AND SHOP.

THEY HAVENT CALLED ME BACK.

ITS NOT LIKE I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO GET TO IT.

I JUST HOPE THEY WILL HIRE ME.

ONCE I DO GET HIRED I CAN START TO PAY FOR MY LICENCE TO COME BACK AGAIN.

AND START DRIVING AROUND.... I SERIOUSLY HAVE TO DO THIS BEFORE IT GETS COLD OUT

BECAUSE I CANT BE WALKING AROUND WHEN ITS COLD.

I ALSO HAD AN INTERVIEW AT UPS FOR THE PRE-LOAD.

ITS A BITCH TO WORK THERE, BUT ITS 11 BUCKS AN HOUR WITH FULL BENEFITS.

SO I MEAN THATS A GREAT JOB TO HAVE, BUT ITS ONLY LIKE 4 HOURS A NIGHT SO ITS NOT THAT MUCH. THATS WHY IVE BEEN TRYING TO GET 2 JOBS.

ABOUT THE INDECISIVE THING I WAS TALKING ABOUT,

I CANT FIGURE OUT WHETHER I FEEL LIKE SHIT, OR IM OPTIMISTIC.

I GUESS THATS THE WHOLE GEMINI THING I HAVE GOING ON.

IVE ALSO GOT THIS SHIT WITH THE NUMBER 11.

THEY SAY ITS BECAUSE OF SOME WEIRD HUMAN PSYCIC SHIFT IN REALITY OR SOMETHING,

BUT I JUST THINK SOMETHING IS TRYING TO TELL ME SHITS ABOUT TO CHANGE WHEN I SEE IT.

I SEEM TO JUST LOOK AT THE CLOCK RANDOMLY FOR NO APPARENT REASON WHEN ITS LIKE 11 AFTER. ITS NOT LIKE IT CONTROLS MY LIFE OR ANYTHING, IF ANYTHING ITS JUST ANOYING,

LIKE BEFORE I HAD A COUPLE JOB INTERVIEWS I KEPT SEEING IT, LIKE IT WAS TELLING ME NOT TO FUCK IT UP OR SOMETHING.

I DONT KNOW. WHATEVER THAT CRAP MEANS, I DONT PAY ATTENTION TO IT TOO OFTEN.

MAYBE IM JUST CRAZY.

ALL I KNOW IS ITS STARTING TO FEEL LIKE SHITS GONNA CHANGE PRETTY SOON AND I HOPE ITS FOR THE BETTER BECAUSE IM STARTING TO GET REALLY BORED OF JUST SITTING HERE.

I REALLY HOPE I CAN GET A JOB.

IT WOULD BE VERY NICE IF I COULD JUST WORK AT THE GROCERY STORE FOR A WHILE AND GET A CAR AND THEN JUST SMOKE A BUNCH OF WEED OR SOMETHING, HANG OUT WITH SOME PEOPLE EVERY NIGHT AND PICK A NICE BAR TO GOTO AND CHILL.

IVE GOTTA START FOLLOWING SOME SORT OF ROUTINE.

THESE ANIMATED GIFS MAKE NO SENSE. I KNOW.

jul 26 2014

YEP

GIF ANIMATIONS ARE AWESOME.

RANDOM STUFF FLIES THROUGH MY HEAD CONSTANTLY.

IM GOING TO WRITE IT HERE.

HERE, ILL TALK ABOUT THE LEXAPRO THAT I AM ON.

I HAVE MILD DEPRESSION, I ALWAYS HAVE,

IT WAS NEVER A THING THAT MADE ME WANT TO KILL MYSELF,

AND IT NEVER REALLY EFFECTED MY LIFE IN THE WAY THAT I COULDNT TALK TO PEOPLE OR BE A GOOF BALL OF MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH,

IT JUST MADE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT ALL THE TIME,

MAYBE THATS WHY I DONT UNDERSTAND SOMETIMES

WHEN SOMEONE IS IN A BAD MOOD,

BECAUSE IM ALWAYS IN A BAD MOOD.

LUCKILY I HAVE ADHD AND MY BAD MOOD IS EASILY FORGOTTEN.

IT REALLY ONLY EFFECTS ME WHEN IM BY MYSELF AND I DONT WANT TO GO OUT OR ANYTHING BECAUSE IT MAKES ME BORED AND LAZY.

I JUST SIT HERE FOR HOURS PLAYING STUPID VIDEO GAMES AND WATCHING ANIME AND STUFF.

LUCKILY I FINALY GOT PUT ON LEXAPRO AGAIN,

I DONT TAKE IT EVERY DAY BECAUSE AT THE MOMENT I DONT HAVE MEDICAL INSURANCE ANYMORE SO I CANT GET THE WHOLE PERSCRIPTION FILLED.

THIS RESULTS IN MY FATHER DRIVING TO PA EVERY WEEK, TO RITE AID IN EAST STROUDSBURG SO I CAN GET IT.

ITS A PAIN IN THE ASS BUT IT HAS TO BE DONE.

PLUS IM PRETTY SURE HE ALSO ENJOYS IT. 

ILL HAVE A JOB SOON AND ILL BE ABLE TO FINALLY GET MY DAMN LICENCE BACK AND STUFF. THEN ILL BE DRIVING AROUND AGAIN.

MOST OF MY FRIENDS ARE SCREWED FOR LICENCES RIGHT NOW FOR SOME REASON, SEAN GOT IN A DRUNKEN CAR ACCIDENT, LESLEY GOT ANOTHER DUI, LIZ SMASHED HER CAR UP AND GOT A DUI AND EVERYONE ELSE I KNOW WITH VEHICLES ARE JUST TOO BUSY TO GIVE A SHIT, SO IM KINDA SCREWED FOR IT.

ALL I HAVE IS MY FATHER TO DRIVE ME PLACES AND IM SURE ONCE I START DRIVING IM GONNA TELL PEOPLE TO GIVE ME GAS MONEY BECAUSE ITS FUCKING ANNOYING TO GET HARASSED CONSTANTLY FOR RIDES.

BUT YEAH I GOTTA GO